Never Gonna Be Alone
by heavenboundcas
Summary: Castiel needs a break. And he doesn't know where to go or what to do. He just wants the Winchesters to need him. And he needs to know that he won't be alone in this. **This is a pretty short one shot. I wrote it awhile back, and just revisited it, fixing some details. It takes place when Cas is still an angel. I sent this in for a Tumblr Fan Fiction awards and feedback is welcome**


Castiel needed a break. The park was mostly empty except for a few random teenagers here and there. The metal bleachers were cold, despite the warm weather, and the trees, almost completely full of leaves, waved in the increasing wind. The dirt of the empty baseball field stretched out in front of him turned like a tornado and then died down again. It was quiet. This is was Castiel needed. Just a few minutes to himself, to get away from it all. All the chaos of his life. Things had been hard. He felt like he was worthless to everyone that he cared about. He didn't want to be there, he didn't want to be away. At the same time, though, he didn't even know if he really wanted to be alive anymore, or if he even deserved to be. After all the trouble he had caused, all the deaths...

"_Maybe I deserve to be dead."_

Castiel put his head in his hands and shut his eyes. He couldn't deal with all of this. Plus, Castiel was becoming more and more worried that the Winchesters didn't need him anymore. Dean was distant and it was killing him on the inside. Sam smiled at him, and tried to make him feel at home, but without Dean standing at his side, helping him along too, he wasn't sure it was all worth it. He didn't know what he would do if- He broke the thought in half and pushed it away. He was here to relax. He sighed and looked up. He didn't think he had ever been truly relaxed in his life.

Castiel decided that he should walk around. The park was a pretty decent size. He stepped carefully down the bleachers onto the grass and looked around. He didn't know where he had landed at. He knew he was in a completely different place, because it had been raining when he left. Maybe a different state, maybe a different time. He didn't try to figure it out. He had wished to leave for awhile and let his powers took him where they wanted. He didn't really care. He knew if he really wanted to get back, he would just go to the bunker. But not now. The wind made Castiel's trench coat fold around him and he let it. It was nice, to just stand there in the wind. To feel free.

He walked up to where there was a walkway that was made of gravel. It was in front of a medium sized gravel way where cars would be parked, coming in from the opening to the left of the gravel parking, which he figured led to town. It was empty today. As was the basketball court far on his left, where the walk away went around. It seemed to go around the entirety of the park. He looked to his left, to a small building that serviced two bathrooms, a snack counter for the baseball games, and sets of picnic tables. He followed the gravel walk way towards it, walking slowly. He liked the sound of the gravel underneath his feet.

He made it to one of the picnic tables and sat. It was a lot warmer than the metal bleachers. To his right, he could see that the walk way continued, going straight to the end of the park. Along the way, though, there were benches, two playgrounds, and another baseball field. There was a long patch of grass that was in between the edge of the concrete the picnic tables sat on and the nearest play ground. Looking behind him, towards the middle of the park, Castiel could see that there was an open field in the middle, free to anyone who was free, or was hoping to be.

Castiel was vaguely wondering what it would feel like to run through the field, not caring who saw, when he heard giggling. He looked up from where he had been staring at the field and looked around him. He didn't see anything, or anyone. Then he heard it again, and realized that it was a child, and there's one place a child would be on a day like this, at 3 in the afternoon. The playground.

Castiel sat there for awhile longer, going back to staring at the field, and listening to the little child's laughter from the playground. He finally took it upon himself to stand up and start walking on the gravel walk way towards the playground. When he could finally see all of it when he walked out of the view of the trees, he could see it was larger playground then he thought. A woman was sitting on one of the benches in the grass next to the edge of the playground. She was holding a baby in her arms, a stroller next to her. She was sitting with her legs crossed, and seemed to be singing to the baby. Castiel heard another giggle and looked back at the playground to see a small child, maybe about 3 or 4, go down a very long slide and land on his feet. As soon as they hit the ground, the boy was back to running and climbing up the ladder to get back to the top. Castiel smiled. He wished he had been human sometimes. He always wanted to have the childhood that he had seen many children have. To have been able to run around and giggle. To feel free.

An another picnic table sat forgotten under the trees a few feet away and he sat at it, looking back at the field in the middle. He would never tell anyone that, though. It was very few times he wished it, then mentally hit himself. He was an angel. He didn't truly want to change that. That was who he was.

The sun poked out of the clouds it had been hidden behind, and Castiel felt the heat come down between the trees. He took off the trench coat on a whim, and folded it in front of him. Regardless of what he thought of it sometimes, he did love the thing. It became a part of who he was.

"Hello."

Castiel jumped a little at the voice not expecting to hear anyone speak to him. He looked up to see that the woman with the baby was standing across from him on the other side of the table. Castiel looked her in the eye and wondered why he couldn't figure out who she was. It was usually a look in the eye, and he knew everything. Or at least their name or something just as important. Then he realized he must have been back in time, not in his own. His powers were always faultily in the past. Knowing this, he was surprised that he had landed as well as he did.

The woman sat down in front of him, and he realized he had forgotten to answer.

"Oh, um, hello. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother your day with your sons."

The woman cocked her head slightly to the side, her blonde curls falling across the right of her face, and looked down at her baby, touching his cheek. Castiel noticed her gentleness, how her eyes (what he could see of them) lit up when she looked at her child.

"Oh, you didn't. I was just wondering who you were, because it's a small town," She said, finally looking back up at Castiel to give him a small smile. "Everyone knows everyone and it's odd to see a new face. I'm assuming you just moved here?"

Castiel automatically nodded. The woman seemed nice. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable by saying he was just passing through.

"Yes, I just moved in, in a house over there, a few streets over." He pointed towards the houses that he had seen a few of the teenagers walk to a few minutes ago.

The woman nodded her head.

"Well, it's nice to see a new face around." She smiled him again and Castiel returned the smile. It was nice to meet new people. Even more when they were friendly. He hadn't always had good luck with humans.

Castiel looked at the woman's arms, at her baby. Castiel only knew babies to be loud and very smelly. But this baby seemed to be different. His hazel eyes shined in the sunlight, and he looked right back at Castiel, without making a sound. Castiel stared into his eyes for a second, and for a second, thought he knew who this baby was. His eyes were so unremarkable but still he thought he had seen them before, knew them.

"Your son is beautiful," He told the woman, resting his hands on the table, lending back.

"Awe, thank you. He's really quiet most the time. I always tell his brother that it's because he's just listening to all of us, to the world, getting all the information he can now." She laughed, and Castiel chuckled along.

The woman put one hand up to her forehead, and sighed.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't even get your name."

Castiel thought. Should he give his real name? Use Jimmy's? He wasn't sure.

"Uh, it's Castiel. But Cas is usually easier for people."

That's when they heard a thump and the giggling was replaced with cries. The woman jumped up, as much as she could, and Castiel did, too. The boy had gone down the slide again, and instead of landing on his feet, he landed on his knees.

The woman rushed over to him and leaned down to look at his scrapes. Castiel didn't know what to do so he stood a few feet behind the woman, looking at the boy. His face was covered in tears, knees bloody, and neither looked like they wanted to stop.

She put one hand on the boys face, trying to calm him down. Castiel stood, awkwardly, and debating on whether he should heal the child or not.

"_You just met a nice human. Don't screw it up," _he thought to himself.

He cleared his throat instead.

"Do you have any bandages or medicine with you that you can give him?"

Castiel asked, looking towards the woman's stroller and a bag tucked at the bottom of it. The woman turned to look at him.

"Actually I was about to ask you to go and bring me that stroller."

Castiel nodded and hurried over to grab and bring the stroller to the woman and her crying child. She sat the baby inside of the stroller as soon as Castiel brought it and hurried to grab the bandages from her bag. Castiel stood back and watched as the woman wrapped her son up and he slowly stopped crying. He could faintly hear her singing to him and by the time he was all bandaged up, his tears were gone. He stood and hugged his mother, gave a smile, and then stepped back a few steps when he realized there was someone else present. His mother looked at Castiel and then back her son.

"That's Cas. He's new in town. Say hello."

The boy didn't look Castiel in the eyes, rather the ground. He seemed shy. Castiel couldn't help the small smile that started on his face. The woman looked at him and smiled too.

"Hello, Cas." The boy's voice was high, since he was still young, but was sweet and full of relief of not being too hurt. He gave a small smile, only rising one corner of his mouth, and a wave, and then ran off again. Castiel didn't get a name from the boy either. Nor did he look him in the eyes. Castiel could start to tell that there was something else here that he hadn't seen. Hadn't noticed.

"Come on," The woman walked ahead of Castiel, towards her bench, pushing the stroller.

They both sat down, leaned back, watching as her son ran all around the playground.

They sat in silence and stared out, forgetting their conversion before. Castiel kept looking at the boy on the playground. His sandy blonde hair was already getting darker, he could tell, and he ran with so much energy, it made Castiel tired just watching him. He didn't seem to have a problem running around by himself.

"Mom!" Castiel looked back to the boy, who was standing in front of the swing. The woman looked up from her book that she had pulled out from the bag under the stroller.

She sighed. "Honey, you know how to push yourself."  
Castiel could see the boy's face fall and he sat on the swing, disappointed.

He looked over at the woman and she must've felt his gaze because she looked up to.

"Would you mind if I, uh, went over and..." Castiel trailed off, knowing he sounded creepy. But the woman looked at him, surprised. She gave him a huge smile, and nodded.

"Of course. But be warned: He'll complain if he doesn't go high enough."

Castiel gave a small grin and stood up slowly. He walked over to stand in front of the boy. He was staring at his shoes, and when he realized Cas was standing in front of him, he looked up. The sunlight poured into his eyes, and he held up a hand to shield them.

"Are you going to push me?"

"Would you like me to?"

The boy seemed to think about it for a minute, pushing his eyebrows together..

"No."

Castiel was surprised. The boy looked at the other swing.

"You can sit next to me, though."

"Sounds good to me." Castiel settled on to the swing, following the boys movements, kicking his feet. They were silent for a few moments, listening to the wind, and the sound of the boy's mother flipping the pages of her book until the boy spoke up.

"Why did you move here?"

Castiel looked over at the boy, surprised again by his direct question. He had never had much interaction with young children, let alone children in general. He wasn't sure how to act, and whether his answers should be different than he gave adults.

"I, uh, needed a fresh start." Castiel didn't know the answer, and decided with semi-true one.

The boy looked straight ahead towards the playground and nodded.

"That makes since. Everyone needs a fresh start sometimes."

Castiel nodded to him, wondering if the boy really understood. "Yes they do."

The boy was silent again, still kicking his feet, and looking around. Castiel sat there, looking at him, thinking there was something going on here, but he just couldn't figure it out. Something seemed to be off,. He looked up at the sky just in time to see two birds swoop through the air, chasing each other. He hadn't noticed nature for a long time.

"Do you have any kids?" Castiel looked down at the boy, who was zipping up his dark blue jacket as the wind picked up.

"No, I don't," He answered.

"Oh. Are you here by yourself then?"

Castiel sighed and looked at his lap. He folded his hands, as a human would do to pray and placed them between his knees, leaning forward like he had seen humans do. It was surprisingly a nice way to sit, even more with the wind blowing in his face, making it hard to see, and making his hair more of a mess.

"No. I have two good friends of mine. They're always with me." The boy smiled then, and glanced at Cas.

"That's good. Friends are important."

"Why do you ask?"

The boy looked over at his mother, who had started feeding his brother a bottle. He seemed to be wondering how to answer the question. Castiel watched as the boy's face softened as his mother smiled at his baby brother.

"My mom always says if we're interested, we should ask," He answered, not looking away from his mom.

"That's always a good thing."

The boy glanced up at Castiel, who was sitting up straight again, trying to smooth his mess of a hair down.

"Where are your friends now, though?"

Castiel gave up on his hair (he never cared before, so why should it matter) and stopped kicking his feet, setting his elbows on his knees in front of him. He sighed, and glanced at the child, wondering why he asked so many questions. Where children always like this?

"They're at home. I'm sure they're waiting on me."

"Why didn't they come with you?"

Castiel debated getting up and leaving completely. He stared straight ahead at the playground, keeping his elbows on his knees as he put his face in his hands.

"They work a lot."

A simple answer will have to do. Explaining to a child why the Winchester's weren't here was madness. Even Castiel knew better than that.

"Honey! Come on we need to get going!" The woman was putting her baby back in the stroller and the boy jumped up. He started to walk then looked back at Castiel. He seemed to be waiting for him. Castiel walked with him over to his mother and she smiled at him.

"Well, it was nice to meet you, Castiel. I'm sure I'll see you around town again."

"Yes, maybe."

The woman turned and started to push the stroller on the gravel walk way, towards the back of the park, where Castiel could now see had more parking spaces and an exit way. There was several more cars parked down there, and more children with their parents at the next playground. He looked at them, wondering why they had not shown the larger playground, this playground.

"Honey, come on."

Castiel snapped out of his thought and looked down to realize that the boy was still standing there next to him. The boy turned his head to the side like his mother had, and looked up at Cas, making sure that he only looked at him for a second, and not in the eye, before looking behind Castiel.

"Why's your name so weird?"

Castiel didn't know what to say. He was shocked at first, then chuckled. The mother looked even more shocked and was about to say something to the boy, most likely how that was rude but Castiel said something first.

"It's an angel name."

The woman looked relived that Castiel hadn't been angry, and the boy's eyebrows went down. He tapped his foot once, looking at it, then turned his head the other way. He finally looked Castiel straight in the eye, and Castiel knew what had been going on the second that the boy's eyes looked into his. All Castiel could see was the brightest green he could ever imagine, on a young child that he wasn't suppose to know yet.

"Mom always tells me that angels are watching over me in my sleep."

Castiel caught his breath.

"Okay honey, that's enough, come on we have to go," His mother called, holding out her hand.

The boy smiled at Castiel, who was still in shock, but managed to give a grin, and ran over his mother, who smiled at him.

"Bye, Castiel." She started walking again and the boy followed at her side, turning once to wave to Castiel.

Castiel hid his shock until they were gone. He just stood there. He watched as they turned right out the exit; they must have lived near by if they had walked.

Finally, after what seemed like the longest time, he thought to himself: _"Looks like my subconscious is even out to get me."_ Then he laughed. And laughed some more. He laughed as he walked past the playground to the shade of the trees, to his trench coat and slipped it on. He laughed when he sat back on the picnic table.

"Out of all the places and times..." He muttered to himself under his breath. He sat there for awhile more, elbows on his knees again, looking at the empty playground. Wondering.

And he was still chuckling under his breath when he went back to his own time and back to bunker. He stopped once he sat in one of the chairs, and looked around the room, looking at the table covered in books that Sam had been reading. He leaned back in the chair, arms on the arm rests.

Castiel was silent for a moment, and really thought about all of it. He went through hundreds of reasons of why, without his choosing, he would send himself there. All he had thought was that he wanted a break. He couldn't come up with a thought that made sense until one flew in.

"_Even when I think I'm so alone, I'm not. I'm never alone in any of this. This is my life. They need me as much as I need them."_

After that, a smile grew on his face and he chuckled once more. The thought was true. It wasn't a lie that he had made up to get through the day. He had subconsciously sent himself there, because he knew. He knew that no matter what, he was always going to have someone. And they would always have them. Maybe that's what he had been trying to tell himself.

"What's so funny?"

Castiel turned around to see Dean walk into the main room of the bunker, carrying two plastic bags from the store in the closest town, that seemed to have beer and junk food. He set the bags on the table, and started to unpack all of his treats, his bright green eyes looking down at Castiel.

"Seriously, Cas, what's so funny?"

All Castiel could do was laugh.


End file.
